I know Nina's going to give me hell for this, but... here we go. New blog. ♥♥ Click the hearts for the linkie. Tats.

OK, I was just thinking about how much I love Shadow, and how much I really want to be with him, and now I'm almost crying. I mean, it's been forever since I've seen him, since even before we were together. And of course my stepdad's stupid rule says I can't see him... the whole thing about him living in Vegas now. "Vegas is full of crackwhores and gangsters." Not like we don't have our fair share of them here.

My cousin Steven is going to try to get me some stuff to help me "get my mind off stuff," i.e. outside help... I didn't want any from the last person that offered me some, but the last person that offered me some also broke my soul in a way few people could imagine. So... he's not getting anything from me and I don't want to talk to that S.O.B.

There's some stuff I'm worried about when/if I end up trying the drugs.

1. I've never done drugs before and I don't want to get caught.

2. I don't want to get addicted. I just want something quick to take my mind off everything that happened, and alcohol is dying as are the pills. (No more pills. I promise. Not now.)

3. I won't know "how to act" as Steven said, which will probably increase my chance of getting caught. Unless I just play it off as being drunk, because my parents already know that I drink. I don't know.

4. I don't want Shadow and Nina to get mad at me. I know Shadow won't get mad, just disappointed or some crap like that, but I know Nina'd yell at me. That worries me. I don't like it when my friends are mad at me.

Things are all weird right now... I want to get wasted to ebb out the pain about what happened between... him and I. (I still can't say his name without remembering it all.) Did I mention that I can't even think about Shadow holding me anymore? Yep. After me trying to force myself over everything again, I sank a few steps lower. Kissing's out, being held is out, being touched is out. Why am I like this? It was forever ago.

I need some air... I need to get my mind off everything. I guess maybe it's time to go see if Steven's up and ask if he wants to go walk around. If he's not going to tell anybody about the thing between Carrie and I, and if he's not going to tell anybody about the marijuana, I think it's a safe bet he wouldn't tell anyone if I smoked. He knows that I have before but I don't know if he knows I have recently. Every few days, just one cigarrette. The ones I was supposed to give to someone else. I know I shouldn't... yet I do. So sue me.

It's weird... I actually do a lot that's illegal... but none of it is... you know... that bad. I smoke underage, drink underage, have sex underage (even though most of the times I do, I really don't want to), pirate music... Well, I'm not just going to let you know all the things I do. Suffice it to say that the stuff would be the most illegal thing I do. (I think.)

I think that's it for now... Someone comment me please? I'm feeling lonely.

Could it be any more boring? Oh well. At least in Biology I got to pretend I was a penguin. ("Hi! I'm a cute little penguin and I live in the arctic. It's really cold there, but luckily I have blubber and nice, warm feathers to help me stay warm." Direct copy-paste from my assignment.) Oh well, penguins are cute and they make me think of Shadow.

I desperately need some music... seriously. Oh, and the suggested tags things are kind of... weird. I mean, for crying out loud, one of the suggesteds for this entry is "stabbing a penguin". WTFH?!

I decided, maybe, there's an off-chance that someone actually cares about the stuff I'm obsessing over right now. Just in case you were wondering... here we go.

Firefox and extensions. It rocks... seriously. I don't know what else I can say. If you don't have FF yet, get it. Now. That is an order. Rawr.

Canadian television. I know, I feel like such a geek just saying that, but you wouldn't understand unless you've actually seen some. My favorites are RFR (Radio Free Roscoe for those of you who don't watch it) and Degrassi (Degrassi: The Next Generation, unfamiliar people), both of which get recorded onto my DVR every episode. (I watch them religiously.) Sadly, Degrassi is in reruns right now until early October. I can't wait!!

Attack of the Show! is like the best show ever. And that's not saying much considering how crappy television is these days, but seriously, AotS is awesome. Anthony Carboni (one of the potential new cohosts) used the show to propose to his girlfriend today. Is it just me, or is a marriage proposal on national television just sooooo romantic?!

StumbleUpon. This has made it so much easier to find random websites. (Let's just hope the GOATSE guy isn't on there.)

Video games... especially the retro games like Mario (the old old school for NES) and Kirby (I love Kirby!), but also puzzle games such as Bejewelled 2 and Puzzle Star Sweep. They're so much fun.

Blogging. Duh. But what you may not know is the fact that I have an account with pretty much every free blog provider there is.

Digital photography! Hell yes.

I'm a veg-head. Yep. (I actually tried a hot link today, because I was curious... it was disgusting. I'll stay sans the meat... thanks.)

If I think of anything else neat, I'll put something more here... for now, school sucks, and a few other things don't. Love you!! ♥

Some of you might know that I was at the hospital today. (Nothing serious, don't worry.) Well, I was there for like 3 hours, which was about 2 1/2 hours longer than I wanted to be there. In the end, what do I get stuck with? Ten pills. Ten measley pills.

In other news today, I got to talk to someone who works at Attack of the Show. It's pretty neat, he's a nice guy and he let me know some of the inside stuff. (Kevin and Sarah really are as cool in real life as they are on TV. They don't know Shadow; at least, Kevin doesn't. A lot of the times it's not really Kevin or Sarah that tests the tech stuff, it's him. And other neat things... if I have any questions, I can ask him. It's so cool. I feel special being able to talk to someone quasi-famous like that without being all freakishly nervous.)

Steven's being a loser, but what was I supposed to expect? He's... Steven. That's about all there is to say on that matter.

Does anyone read this? I know I have visitors, but who comes here? And do y'all like the layout? I picked a nice basic one... I had the Mario layout for awhile but then I got mad at my Nintendo and changed it. That's life.

There's not much to say... watched Attack of the Show today (huge surprise) and my back episodes of X-Play. Morgan likes cows... sob sob. I hate when I find things in common with her.

The dude from AotS is going to talk to her for me... not passing along any messages because I'm trying to resist the urge to call her a skankwhore bad host... something like that. Tehe. OKAY, I'll be nice. But only because I think I know a little more of everything. And... because she likes cows. I ♥ the cows!!

I'm used to being a nerd that blogs everyday... but, I've been at my dad's, so I couldn't exactly do that. But I'm pretty sure that I like MindSay much better than anything else. True, I'm not sure how to do the templates, but I think I read something like you can just use the Blogger templates or something, and I can do those.

So, curious as to what's up in my life? Not a lot, really. I've been at my dad's since Friday afternoon and I just got back today around 3:00 pm. My cousin Steven is here, and he's one of few people that are shorter than me. My digital camera still sucks. I got my NES (going way retro here) back and I can't get Zelda to work. I played Kirby for awhile, and Super Mario as well, but I really wanted to play Zelda. I'm curious as to whether or not I still suck at it.

I went to school with Carrie yesterday, but they wouldn't give me a visitor's pass so I couldn't stay past around 8 am. I did get a ton of hugs, and I had some pictures of a couple friends, but my camera's retarded.

I need a new digital camera. I was using Froogle to shop around and look at which one sounds good to me... I'm thinking, load up some money on my debit card and buy it that way. (The NES cable is because the cable I'm using for my NES isn't NES-specific and doesn't have audio.)

I got Google Talk and I'm curious... did any of you? If you got it, add me (babzbear@gmail.com) and I'll accept any adds. If you want it, but don't have a Gmail account, I have 100 Gmail invites so you can ask me for one and if you ask really nicely I'll probably send you one. But, do me a favor and e-mail me about it so I can just send the invite from there.

My Nintendo is being retarded, so I really don't know what to do about it. I felt like being all... gamer-y, but the only games I have here for my Playstation are (a) GTA 1&2... ick! (b) DDR KonaMix... also ick! (c) Puzzle Star Sweep... not as ick, but a little overdone lately. I'm supposed to clean the kitchen I think but who cares? I'll do it later. I'm going to put it off for as long as I can.

I'm starting to do my Froogle shopping list (click), so if you want to buy me something, buy something from there first, ok? That's stuff I really want, so I won't end up being stuck with lame sweaters or leather purses again. (Hello, people. I'm a vegetarian. If I don't eat dead cow, what makes you think I'll carry dead cow with a cell phone in it?) Anyway... moving on.

I've pretty much given up on all my other blogs, in case you didn't notice. The LiveJournal got given up on... as did my Blogger. I'll still sort of keep my zine up, as well as my AudioBlog, but my other ones will pretty much go stale. Hah. I said stale.

I think that's about it for now, except my survey below:

What is your occupation? Babysitter! w00t
What are you listening to right now? ...my mom talking
What color is your underwear/panties? lime green
What was the last thing you ate? steamed rice
Do you wish on stars? very rarely
If you were a crayon what color would you be? either the pink one or the black one... duh
How is the weather right now? warm... which is odd
Last person you spoke to on the phone? Danielle
How old are you today? 15
Favorite drink? Caramel Macchiatto == ♥
Favorite sport to watch? If I have to watch one, I guess basketball
Have you ever dyed your hair? Yeppers and I'm due to dye it again
Do you wear contacts or glasses? nope
Pets? One; a puppy named Asher
Favorite month? May of 1990... duh!
Favorite food? Frozen soybeans!
What was the last movie you watched? The Glass House
Favorite day of the year? March 27 =]
What do you do to vent anger? Blog.
What was you favorite toy as a child? my My Size Barbie... until I got horribly afraid of it
Fall or Spring? Fall.
Hugs or kisses? Neither...
Cherry or blueberry? Cherry!
Living arrangements? Mom and stepdad; currently my cousin for about a week or two
When was the last time you cried? Sunday night and only one person knows why
What is on the floor of your closet? Hah! What isn't?
Who is the friend you have had the longest? Sara (♥)
What did you do last night? ...slept?
Favorite smell? Obsession for Men (♥♥!!)
Who inspires you? my friends, especially Nina and Shadow =]
Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? ...none...
Favorite car? 2004 Mini Cooper. ♥
Favorite dog breed? MUTT! lol
How many years at your current job? Kinda sorta since I was 9...?
Favorite day of the week? Why, Friday of course.
How many states have you lived in? 2 that I recall, probably 4 or 5
How many cities have you lived in? too many to count!

Thanks, Ninz, for this lovely survey for me to take! =]

So, this is my first post here (duh). I was browsing the trusty web (via Google of course) and stumbled upon this site. It seems pretty cool... let's see how long it takes me before I give up on it. I'll give it at least a couple days to adjust... then, if it's good enough, I'll transfer my domain to it. What do you think, guys? The styles are plentiful and the profile are is merciless with the barrage of questions. It might even keep me, I don't know, entertained. You know, like a blog is supposed to do. But, I guess in the end it doesn't really matter, does it?